Excelsior!
by Ember Nickel
Summary: Another retelling of the saga of Odo the hero. [Not a parody of the Longfellow poem, but it has the same name for a reason.]


In times of confusion and chaos and war  
Heroes rise up, or just get born  
But for every legend and for every myth  
There are dozens with tales more forlorn.

When Achrom the Abominable, the scum  
Had drained all the cosmos of light  
Except for that guarded in the royal citadel  
(Pre-Ministry), things were blight.

And Odo was threatened by Achrom, as well.  
Not directly, but north and west  
Of his residence lived a minion who scared  
Poor Odo till he could not rest.

He lived in that fear until one day, propelled  
By a force that felt bigger than him  
He left all he knew and marched north to his fate  
Following a fancy or whim.

He passed up that bully and kept on his path  
Until on the horizon, quite tall  
He saw the outline of a tower with power  
To destroy Achrom once and for all.

But Achrom was wise, and had seen through that plot  
And so he presented a second  
Tower which threatened the citadel, looming  
Next to the first, but Odo reckoned

He was stronger than he seemed, for after all, he  
Hadn't let that bully destroy  
Him, so he veered right and he charged at that tower  
With the carefreeness of a young boy.

He spit at the tower until it dissolved  
And its rubble was left on the ground.  
Despite all its might, when approached in the right  
Way it was structurally unsound.

Achrom let that be, and convinced the bully  
Near Odo, since Odo had moved north  
To head south next to Odo's old land, and so  
He immediately set forth.

Odo ignored that, and continued his trek.  
He could have killed a bully that  
Could just have killed him, but instead moved so they  
Stood side by side, though didn't chat.

The plan once again was in action to stop  
Achrom from completing his plot.  
But he knew that trick was an option and worked  
So an option it would be not.

He recruited to his side a bishop, a man  
Who had formerly worked for a church  
And sent him southwest, to a place where he could  
Make the color guardians all lurch

Until Odo moved on. Once again north and west  
Of him a bully stood. This time  
Odo charged and assaulted him. In times of peace  
The attack would be ruled as a crime.

But it was a war, and Achrom struck back.  
Whatever he did didn't matter  
Since Odo again moved northwest, and began  
To torment and torture and batter

A knight of Achrom's, until at last he stood  
As far north as anyone could go.  
The defenders applauded so much, you'd think Odo  
Had starred in an excellent show.

"You've done it!" the citadel shouted to him.  
"Now pick up that crown there, and rule  
Alongside the king, as the queen of the world!"  
But Odo thought that was uncool.

"I'm a man!" he retorted. "And that should be obvious!  
For those of you that haven't seen:  
There is no way, I'm telling you, not in a blue moon  
That I would be a willing queen."

"You have to, great Odo! It will destroy Achrom!  
Or possibly, would you prefer  
To become a bishop?" "If I have no other  
Choices open to me, then sure."

So he was ordained then and there. Achrom gone  
He could return to his life. But  
His life was a bishop's now, and he was forced  
To follow precise paths, and strut

Only in places like the one where he was  
And his home, alas, was no such place.  
So he went through formalities, and was a failure.  
He muddled a prayer or grace

So many times that he quit early on,  
Absentmindedly dashed off a will,  
And miscast a spell that shattered a mirror  
Although its intent was to kill.

He tried it again, and aimed at the shards,  
And this time it reflected back  
Which was his intent. He died quickly: there  
Was no visible sign of attack.

The press had a field day, the mourners filled up  
A Quidditch pitch unto the brim.  
For Odo there were eulogies aplenty  
Until the sun set, light went dim,

And Odo the hero, they bore him back home  
To the place that he'd known as a lad  
They laid him to rest with his hat inside out,  
And his wand snapped in two, which was sad.

Which was all that he wanted, from back in the day.  
The bully was gone, Achrom too.  
Odo rested in peace, I assume although I  
Don't really know how it ends. Do you?


End file.
